It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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