took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
