the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Randomize
