why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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