What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
