Just fell off a train. Bad.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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