There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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