okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
