Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
