i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
