so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
