hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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