So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
