Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
