I'm so fucking centered right now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
