You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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