shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm both gender and math confused
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
