My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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