it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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