sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
