Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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