apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
