Bisexual people are plain selfish.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
