I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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