So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
