Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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