im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
