I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
