Cold hands, warm shart.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
