Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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