i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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