They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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