im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
