Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
