I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
