Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
