You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
