So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
