Sponge bath it is.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
