Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
