so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
