wrigley field is MILF paradise
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You're like the curious george of whores
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
