I am puke
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
