Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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