I need to stop coming to work sober
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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