I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
