she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Randomize
