both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
