i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
