At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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