Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
