The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
