if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All the doctor said was why
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
