went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
