when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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