I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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